


hold me close

by cityofflights



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: 5+1 Things, And Of Course - Freeform, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, This is pure fluff, ace sonny, amanda rollins is the best wingwoman, with a tiny peck blink and youll miss it angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cityofflights/pseuds/cityofflights
Summary: “It’s just- what are we doing here Rafael?”“Well, I believe it’s called cuddling”or 5 times Sonny sat on Raf's lap + 1 time Raf sat on Sonny's
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 70





	hold me close

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shirinswain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirinswain/gifts).



> this is like the fluffiest shit my brain ever pulled so enjoy

**1**

Sonny doesn’t know how he got here, sitting on Barba’s lap- on Rafael’s lap, he corrects because they’re past the point of only treating each other by their last names and he’ll be damned if he’s not going to take full advantage of the privilege he has been granted. Still, being allowed to call him Rafael didn’t exactly preclude ending up on his lap on Liv’s couch at the squad’s New Year’s party.

He tried blaming it on the drinks but Rafael had been nursing the same glass of scotch for the whole evening and Sonny had been too afraid to go get a drink only to come back and see his current seat revoked. At first, when he landed on top of Rafael after Amanda childishly tripped him with a sly look in her eye he had tried to get up but the arms which had made their way around his waist had tightened. That paired with the “stay” whispered into his ear had turned him a blushing mess, much to Amanda’s delight who kept smirking every time she looked their way.

His first plan of action had been to stay as upright as possible to avoid making the other man uncomfortable but after ten minutes the back pains started so he reluctantly leaned back into the solid form of Rafael’s chest, resting his head on the curve where his neck met his shoulder. When he did so, he felt the arms that had never left their position around him wrapping themselves more securely around his midsection, and before he could stop himself a small content sigh left his mouth.

“Comfortable?” He could hear the smirk in Rafael’s voice and somehow the teasing tone made him relax, as it was the only thing familiar in the whole situation.

“Very much. You?” Even though their current position had been Rafael’s idea, Sonny was still half expecting the man to tell him he was just messing with him and to move his ass somewhere else but he surprised him again, briefly pressing his lips against Sonny’s cheek before answering.

“I’m great”

He was sure his heart would fly out of his chest any second now at the rate it was beating. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t find an explanation for what was happening, but then again he wasn’t trying all that hard. It was much more enjoyable to just enjoy the feeling of being secure in Rafael’s arms than to question it.

“I can hear you thinking” Around them the party is still going at full force, everyone else is scattered around the room drinking and talking but despite the noise, Sonny can only focus on the voice talking directly into his ear.

“It’s just- what are we doing here Rafael?” As much as he would like to pretend this is an everyday occurrence (and God how he wished it was) the questions were eating him up alive and preventing him from fully appreciating the circumstances.

“Well, I believe it’s called cuddling” As if to drive his point across Rafael spreads his legs a little more making Sonny fall further into his lap. He really should shut up and enjoy the easy affection he never expected from the prosecutor but his brain won’t shut up, looking for the confirmation that he’s reading too much into the situation, confirmation that Rafael doesn’t in fact feel the same way about him.

So he keeps pressing

“Yeah but why are  _ we _ doing it”

“Do you...do you not want to?” Rafael starts to move away taking his arms from Sonny’s waist and  _ damn it  _ this was the last thing he wanted, precisely what he was trying to avoid but of course, he had to go and ruin everything with his big mouth.

He tries to fix it by grabbing Raf’s wrists (and wow from Barba to Rafael to Raf in the span of a few hours, talk about taking liberties) and placing them around him again. He can still feel the tension on the man’s muscles so he holds on to the tiny speck of courage he has left and turns his head to peck him in the cheek the same way Rafael had done to him.

Except he didn’t take into consideration that by now he was basically lying on top of Rafael so his kiss ends up landing on the soft skin below his ear, which turns red shortly after, probably out of embarrassment from the whole situation happening in plain view of all the other people.

“Of course I want it, I just didn't know you did. Is this like a thing you do with your friends or…? He refused to look Rafael in the eye, afraid of what he would find there. Instead, he ducked his head, choosing to focus on the suddenly very interesting sight of the living room wooden floor.

"My friends? I- what” Of all the things he expected Rafael to be in regards to his question confused wasn’t high on his list. But as he spoke that was all he could hear in his voice “Sonny, am I really that rusty in the flirting department that this whole thing came off as platonic?"

Wait did he said flirting

“Wait did you say flirting?”

“For god’s sake”

Gently Rafael cupped his face and turned it so it was no longer facing the ground but staring right into green eyes. A beat passed and while everything around them fades their lips touch, softly at first and then firmer as Sonny brought his hand up mimicking the one still holding his cheek.

They parted after a few seconds with matching smiles they couldn’t quite keep from growing.

"Oh"

"Yeah  _ oh _ "

The moment was broken by a while whistle from the other side of the room where Liv, Fin, and Amanda all stood looking at him, the lastest being responsible for the crass noise.

“Finally, it was getting kinda depressing to watch. Sonny-boy I love you but man you’re the most oblivious person I ever met.”

He can feel his face heat up under the teasing and while it’s not exactly untrue he still tells her to shut up before turning the rest of the way into Rafael’s arms and hiding his face in the man’s neck.

Raf drops another kiss on top of his head and at that moment Sonny feels the happier he’s ever been.

**2**

The movie had been going for around an hour but Rafael couldn’t explain a single plot point of it to save his life. Thankfully he didn’t think anyone would try to get into a conversation about The Breakfast Club with him anytime soon. How was he supposed to focus on anything other than the feeling of having Sonny Carisi curled up on his lap. 

When Rafael suggested they watched something as a way of prolonging their evening he was expecting them to sit side by side on the sofa. He had come up with a whole plan and everything.

**Step one:** After the first fifteen minutes move one arm to the back of the couch;

**Step two:** Rest his hand on Sonny’s shoulder if he hadn’t moved away yet;

**Step three:** Half-way through the movie pull Sonny down so he was resting on his chest;

**Step four:** Try not to bother him with his breathing.

It was a good plan, a solid plan but turns out Sonny had one too, and much faster to achieve.

“Can I sit there?” Rafael had just got settled but Sonny was still on his feet looking sheepish.

“On...my lap?” Not long ago, on their fourth date, Sonny had laid all cards on the table and came out as ace. He had made it clear that he understood if he no longer wanted to pursue a relationship with him. Rafael had of course assured him that his sexuality didn’t change a thing about his feelings, his only concern being Sonny’s boundaries and what he was comfortable with so he thought best to let the other man set the pace.

That was why he had come up with his plan in the first place, to make sure he was respectful of Sonny. He explained that exactly to Sonny, carefully avoiding the 4 steps guide on how to cuddle because there was no need to further embarrass himself, but the only thing he achieved was a fit of laughter that lasted longer than he deemed necessary. But then again Sonny’s laugh was one of his favorite sounds in the world so he wasn’t upset at being the butt of the joke. Well, not so upset as if it was anyone else at least.

“Alright you can stop now”

“I’m sorry Rafi is just, the fact that I’m ace only means I’m not interested in having sex. It’s not like I’m allergic to human contact or anything like that.”

“I know that but still, I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable” He could feel the blush spread through his face but he kept eye contact. Being vulnerable and open about his feelings was an art he had yet to master but he refused to let Sonny think he was ashamed of caring for him.

“You’re very sweet, don’t worry I will let you know if something makes me uncomfortable. Just so we’re on the same page I love to cuddle and besides, I always feel safe in your arms” he pointed once again to Rafael before asking with a wide smile dimples full-on display “So, can I?

He was already going to say yes but faced with that along with his words he was signed, sealed, and delivered. 

God, he was so smitten.

“Of course you can”

As soon as he had confirmation that it was okay Sonny practically threw himself on top of Rafael. It took some rearranging mainly because of the noodle physique but eventually, they worked out a comfortable position for both of them.

Rafael was lying back against the armrest of the sofa with Sonny curled up on top of his chest and legs. One of his hands was sprawled right on top of his heart which meant Sonny could feel how it sped up each time he let out a light laugh or when he moved further into the embrace. At one point he had actually looked at Rafael with a soft smile and took his hand interlacing their fingers.

This wasn’t like him, he never got nervous over relationships, but he should have learned by now that Sonny had the ability to knock all sense out of him. 

Sooner than he would have liked the movie ended but Sonny made no move to get up while the credits rolled down, only propping himself up so they were face to face.

“What did you think of it? I can’t believe you had never seen this movie it’s a classic”

“It was nice, I liked the ending” which was coincidentally the only part he could recall with some detail but he refrained from saying that last part out loud although he was pretty sure Sonny could see right through him.

Fortunately for him, a yawn cut off any attempts at calling Rafael out on his lack of attention to what was supposed to be the focus of their evening. He knew it was getting late and while his original plan had been to end their date night once the movie was wrapped up, but their earlier conversation propped him to ask for what he really wanted.

“Stay the night?” As Sonny stared at him with wide eyes he thought if he had made a mistake, pushed too far and too fast so he tried to fix the situation “I mean you don’t have to I just thought it would be nice since we both have tomorrow off-”

His rambling was stopped by the gentle pressure of Sonny’s lips. It seemed like that was their ultimate best way of communication and Rafael didn’t have any complaints on that matter.

“I would love to stay”

Ultimately, they would have to make their way to the bedroom, after all their backs couldn’t survive a night spent on the couch no matter how comfortable it was. But for now, it was enough to just be in each other’s arms a little longer.

**3**

Rafael is about to take a small coffee break from filling out paperwork when someone knocks on the door. It’s well past office hours, Carmen had taken her to leave about two hours ago, which meant whoever was at his door wasn’t there for business which left, not surprisingly, a very small amount of possibilities. It was either Liv or Sonny, the second one the most likely of the two.

“You can come in”

When the door opened, revealing it was indeed Sonny, Rafael was immediately filled with warmth as per usual whenever he saw or thought about his boyfriend. But that feeling was quickly replaced with concern once he took a better look at him.

He has frowning, his whole expression an unusual shade of somber and as if that wasn’t enough to completely worry Rafael, he could spot what he was sure were bloodstains around the man’s hairline as well as some on the collar of his shirt.

He took a step forward at the same time Sonny whispered “Rafi” before collapsing his arms. His legs looked ready to give in as he sagged against Rafael, so he carefully maneuvered them into the leather couch to avoid falling to the ground.

As soon as they were seated Sonny buried his face on Rafael’s neck, letting his tears soak skin and fabric as Rafael held him tightly with both arms pulling him impossibly closer to his chest.

When he felt Sonny’s breath even out he broke the silence with the question he was dying to ask ever since the man walked into his office.

“What happened?”

“Tom Cole, he- God I thought I was gonna die,” 

He was pretty sure his heart stopped beating for a few seconds when he heard those words. He didn’t have a chance to ask Sonny to elaborate before he kept going.

“The gun was right here Raf, right here” he pointed to his forehead “If the Lieu wasn’t there he would’ve-” another sob rips through him but they both know how the sentence was going to end.

“It’s okay cariño, you’re okay. I’m here, you’re safe” he whispered over and over while running a hand over his hair hoping it would offer some comfort. 

As Sonny found a way to explain what had happened, Rafael held him, and between soothing touches and hushed words he calmed down.

“Let’s go home” he coaxed Sonny to stand up and made his way to his desk to grab his briefcase. His eyes fell upon the unfinished paperwork but as he looked back to the man standing at the door waiting for him he decided to leave them where they were. Work was at the bottom of his priorities list.

For now, all he would focus on was taking care of Sonny.

**4**

The party was being thrown in his honor, a goodbye-but-also-welcome type situation for the detective turned ADA, so he should be mingling around the bar, thanking people for coming and for their support on this transition but so far every attempt he made to dislocate himself from his position on Rafael’s lap has been met with a whimper like noise (not that Raf would ever admit to making such sound) and a tight pullback, courtesy of the arms firmly wrapped around him.

And let’s be honest it's not he’s trying hard to break free from this confinement, having said half-heartedly a couple of times that he should get up and only actually trying to do so one time.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Amanda coming in his direction with two beer bottles in her hand and a smirk on her face.

“Thought I should bring you a drink since it looks like you’re not leaving your seat anytime soon,” she says as she handles him one of the bottles, and Sonny can’t help but rejoice in the fact that Rafael doesn’t even bat an eye at the obvious teasing involving the more affective side of their relationship as he would have a few months ago.

“Thank you” It would have been naive to think she would just walk away after handing him the drink and soon Sonny is proved right as she takes a seat in the booth in front of them. He’s ready for whatever she’s about to throw his way, having years of experience under his belt. 

What he wasn’t counting on was that Amanda was more interested in teasing Rafael rather than him.

“So Barba, I didn’t take you for a cuddler”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean” and the confidence and poise with which he says it would be enough to convince anyone. 

Anyone who isn’t currently looking at the possessive hold he has on Sonny’s waist, preventing him from going anywhere.

Anyone who isn’t currently looking at the way he’s softly resting his chin on Sonny’s shoulder.

Anyone who isn’t currently looking at the soft circles he’s rubbing into Sonny’s waist with his thumb.

Anyone who didn’t see him nuzzling Sonny’s cheek before kissing it tenderly earlier in the evening.

Unfortunately for Rafael, Amanda saw all those things and some more but then again is not like he believed she would be convinced by his words. 

“Sure you don’t” her smirk only grew bigger with Rafael’s denial. She took on last long look at them as if to check they were still pressed together and once she got confirmation they had indeed not moved she gave a little nod and got up “I’ll leave you to it lovebirds, someone in this party needs to have fun since the guest of honor is too busy making heart-eyes at his boyfriend.”

“Hey, making heart-eyes at my boyfriend  _ is _ fun” 

“Whatever you say”

As soon as she’s no longer in hearing range Rafael taps his leg with two fingers to get his attention. When he turns to face him he’s met with a serious expression he wasn’t expecting.

“You can go if you want. I know I've been holding you hostage for the entire party, but these people are here for you, I understand if you want to go spend time with them too.”

He didn’t spare a glance at the party around them, already having his answer.

“Nonsense. I’m right where I wanna be”

**5**

“God these shoes are killing me”

Rafael has his eyes closed so he doesn’t see Sonny approaching until he speaks. He blinks one eye open and looks up from his seated position to look at him, a slight tug of his lip the only indicator he’s in any pain, which does nothing to diminish the overall joy written all over his face.

“I told you not to wear them brand new today”

“Yeah yeah you were right as always but can you blame me for wanting to look my best at my engagement party? I’m only planning to have one of these you know.”

Hearing the word “engagement” brings an automatic smile to Rafael’s face, almost a reflex. It had been happening ever since Sonny accepted his proposal, and tonight it feels as if it’s multiplied ten times. He must have smiled more in the last few weeks than in the rest of his life combined.

“That’s certainly a relief to know”

“I know how worried you were. Are you going to let me sit there or not?” Sonny points to where his legs are crossed over the coffee table.

“There’s a whole couch available,” he says just to see the pout form in his fiancé’s pretty lips.

“Too bad I don’t want to sit on the couch”

He reaches for his legs, uncrosses them, and sets them down and Rafael just sits back and waits because he sure as hell wasn’t going to deny Sonny what he wanted. Once he finds a stance he deems admittable Sonny all but dumps himself on top of Rafael with all the grace of a baby giraffe falling on its ass, and without missing a beat he grabs Rafael’s arms and moves them around his own waist.

He was going to do that anyway but apparently, the three seconds it took for him to do it by himself were too long for Sonny to wait.

There’s only one thing missing but it’s fixed almost instantly as Sonny lays his head back on Rafael’s shoulder and turns it a little so his nose is pressed into the curve of his neck and lets out a little sigh which was, in Rafael’s humble opinion, the most adorable shit he ever heard.

“Better?”

“Better.”

  
  


**+1**

As much as Sonny loved to sit on Rafael’s lap at any given opportunity there was something to be said about the quiet moments where the other man allowed himself to be held and cherished as he deserved. 

The quiet moments spent in their apartment where Raf would demand that he made room for him to sit, when he would straddle his legs and hug him in the same way a koala would hold on to a tree, or when he would simply ask Sonny to hold him.

It never failed to amaze him how sweet and caring Raf was when he didn't have all his shields up. 

He's in their living room choosing something for them to watch as Rafael finishes doing the dishes, as he always insisted on doing anytime Sonny cooked. He ends up picking a nature documentary they've been meaning to watch for a while now, setting it so it's ready to play.

About five minutes later when Rafi is done he makes his way to where Sonny is seating. He's wearing the grey Fordham hoodie he stole and claimed for himself the first night he spent in Sonny's old apartment, the memory seemingly years ago and like it was yesterday at the same time.

A beat passes where they just stare at each other, waiting to see who would give in.

Sonny knew what Rafael wanted but he liked to hear him say it.

Rafael didn't see the point in saying anything as Sonny already knew what he was going to ask.

Today it was one of those days where Rafael didn't feel like putting up a fight when in the end the result was always the same.

"Hold me?"

As Sonny opens his arms and lets the man get comfortable on his lap, his heart soars with all the love it holds, glad to be able to provide what Rafael needed.

He lays against his chest and twines their hands together as Sonny drops a kiss to the crown of his head and whispers before pressing play on the remote.

"Always"


End file.
